Behind the Golden Gates of Hetalia
by Midnight Ghost
Summary: Castle!Hetalia AU: Ch. 5: Does no one question the residents of Hetalia? Nor the assumption that Vash can remember all their names and titles? What has he gotten into this time?
1. Behind those Golden Gates

**Title: **Behind the Golden Gates of Hetalia

**Author: **the Midnight Ghost

**Rating: **T for slight cussing and violence.

**Characters: **Vash(Switzerland), Feliciano(North Italy), Alfred(America), Lovino(South Italy), Antonio(Spain), three intruders, mentions of others.

**Summary: **There is a reason why Hetalia is the most safest, loosely guarded castle in all the world. The reason's name is Vash. Vash Zwingli.

**AN: **Eh, this is an AU story that popped one day and refused to let me go. Yes, I have finally jumped onto the Hetalia bandwagon(As evidenced by my favorites list).

I rather like this AU, so expect a few more stories and drabbles in this universe.

**Thanks to: **theScarlettWay for helping me research stuff during the times I had no internet and yeeeitscarmen for proofreading! It means alot to me~

**Note: **This story talks about nobles from the past. I am pretty sure none of them exist now, so just pretend that they live in a world where there are kings and queens in a modern setting. Also, no historical references were made to choose which country got which position. You have been warned.

**Obligatory Disclaimer: **(Seriously, does anyone still put these up?) I do not own the Hetalia characters, nor do I own Vash. Pity.

-o-

There is a reason why Hetalia is the most safest, loosely guarded castle in all the world.

Not because of the tough, intimidating earls and nobles and barons and baronesses that reside inside of the castle.

Not because of the rumored dungeons where caught trespassers are subjected to the most inhumane, twisted forms of torture.

Definitely not because of the self-proclaimed heroes and awesome idiots that run rampart around the old, elegant building.

It is because of one gatekeeper who takes his duties way too seriously. His name is Vash. Vash Zwingli.

Vash comes from a small village in Switzerland to earn money so he can send his sister Lilli on a visit to Liechtenstein, her home country. After angrily beating up one of the nobles(who had compared his beauty to the wintry Alps while copping a feel) he was and still is forced to work at the castle to pay for the man's medical bill. (The prince is all better now, but still jumps whenever Vash walks towards his direction.)

Not that he minds. Sure, the numerous people of different nationalities often cause cultural clashes, and whenever it's a certain lord's turn to cook the kitchen goes through World War III½ , and every other day there is always an epic food fight during dinner where afterwords Vash has to spend hours washing out all the food in his hair but- but now he's drifting off into space and we can't have the guard do that, can't we?

But Vash is proud to call Hetalia his home; it's a place where the homeless are welcome to stay during cold winter nights, it's a quiet sanctuary on hot summer days, it's strikingly beautiful when the dawn's morning rays hit it at _that_ exact angle, and it's full of endless history and memories and good times.

Which is why nobody that isn't worthy to enter it's gate are kept in their place, outside the high walls.

"Vash! Vash! Mr. Vash!" A cheery voice calls out, snapping the gatekeeper out of his thoughts.

_ Barone Feliciano Vargas. Italian. Prone to running around naked and taking daily siestas at 3 PM sharp. Immediately return to Margave Ludwig Beilschmidt if found alone._

Feliciano is alone.

"What is it, Earl Vargas? Are you lost again? Or are you looking for the Margave? I last saw him around the eastern gardens," Vash states, voice sharp and demanding.

"Ve~ I know where Luddy is~ He's in the kitchen helping me make pasta!" The Barone smiles, and Vash swears he sees flowers floating around him.

"Then what do you need?" He barks, "... Sir." He adds after he remembers the fact that even though in front of him was a smiling idiot, he was still of higher rank than he was.

"Ve, didn't I tell you to call me Feliciano? And you don't have to call me sir," Feliciano says, a frown working its way onto the man's face.

"... F-Feliciano..." Vash chokes out, eye twitching, "What do you want? I am rather busy right now." Guarding a castle and its gates is very difficult to do, no matter what intimidating Russian tzars say.

"Hmm~ Oh! I need you to tell Romano that Antonio is looking for him! He said that, um," The Barone thinks, eyes furrowed in actual concentration. Vash resists the urge to take a picture of the momentous sight.

"Um... Oh yeah, that he was going to go out later and if he wanted anything from town!" Feliciano smiles, finally remembering what the Spanish Infante said.

Vash nods, committing the words to memory, "I'll be sure to pass on the message."

The Barone's smile brightens even more, if that's possible. "Great! When you're not busy later come by the kitchens! Me and Ludwig will give you some pasta to eat!" And with that the childish man runs off with a wave, back to the kitchens and the German marquess.

Vash smiles a little. The Barone is someone that Lilli would probably get along well with, as he wasn't loud or brash or arrogant like-

"Hey Vash! It is I, the awesome Gilbert!" -Like Gilbert, the Prussian(whatever that was) Herzog.

With a sigh the gatekeeper turns, glaring at the albino.

"What do you want." Gilbert smirks and whips out a piece of paper with flourish.

"I have made an awesome list about all the awesome things that make me awesomer than the rest of the non-awesome people here. Which is awesome," The Herzog drawls, emphasizing each and every 'awesome' he says.

Vash resists the overwhelming urge to throw his gun at the taller man's face, and settles with the image of forever banning the a-word from Hetalia's grounds and a weeping Herzog at his feet.

"Vash? Zwingli? Unawesome gatekeeper?" Gilbert calls, waving his hand in front of the short man's face.

Vash scowls and the hand quickly disappears.

"Yeah, yeah, you want me to hang it up on the gate, right? Give it here." Vash snatches the paper, skimming the list.

** REASONS WHY GILBERT IS AWESOMER THAN YOU:**

** 1. He is a Herzog, aka TOTALLY AWESOME Duke, which means he is probably of higher rank than you.**

** 2. He has an awesome army of Gilbirds, which can peck you to death.**

** 3. He is dashingly handsome, with his silky, pure white hair, sexy/awesome/badass red eyes, and creamy pale skin not to mention his FIVE METERS!...**

The reasons go all the up to number 69(which speaks of his five meters again), all filled out in the most illegible hand-writing ever.

"Awesome! You go do that, while I go and bother Roddy!" Gilbert turns on his heel and walks briskly towards the east wing of Hetalia, carrying out his said words.

Vash shakes his head and stuffs the list in his pocket. He may not particularly like the Archduke, but whatever Gilbert is going to do to Roderich is probably going to be a mix of humiliation and sexual assault, and no one deserves that.

He starts walking around the wall encompassing Hetalia, while also searching for the South Italian Barone (he never really understood why there were two Italian barons at Hetalia but the older one is a rumored Mafioso so he just shrugs and plays along) when he senses something following him...

"Hey, Vash, I was wondering- OH GOD DON'T SHOOT!" The gatekeeper blinks before lowering his beloved rifle.

"Mr. Jones." And lo and behold, said Viceroy is cowering before the smaller blond.

"Oh, hm?" Alfred opens his eyes and instead of looking down the cold barrel of a gun he sees a rather amused guard.

"Jeez, you almost gave me a heart attack there!" The American laughs.

_ Wouldn't be surprised, with all the hamburgers you eat._ Vash rolls his eyes as Alfred continues laughing loudly.

"Well?" Vash asks as soon as the laughter subsides.

"So, yeah, I was wondering if you were going to attend the after-dinner party tonight! You know, for my birthday?" Vash frowns a little and checks his internal calendar.

Yep, today was July 4th, the American's birthday. No wonder the Grand Prince was so grumpy during breakfast.

"Please?" The smaller blond snaps back into reality and looks straight into the Viceroy's blue eyes, which were giving him one of the most heart-breaking puppy-dog eye looks ever. (The most heart-breaking coming from Korean Wangja-Gun Young-Soo.)

Apparently Alfred thought that the gatekeeper's silence was a refusal to attend his Totally Cool Birthday Bash!(TCBB!) and thus he needed to convince the Swiss man to go.

"Alright, I will, just stop it with the eyes," Vash says after two seconds of staring at the puppy eyes from hell and the (grown) man cheers.

"Great! Don't forget the present!" And with a wink Alfred's gone.

With a sigh Vash continues his rounds around the walls, glaring at small forest critters and annoying brats alike. He finds the South Italian Barone on his third time around the castle, cussing out Antonio.

"I'll take it he told you about his trip?" He says, interrupting a particularly violent rant including the Infante's vital regions and a very, very sharp butcher knife.

"What-? OH H-hi V-Vash!" Lovino cries, hiding behind the Infante.

"Si, amigo! Thank you for delivering the message though!" Antonio says, a cheery smile on his face.

Vash nods, about to leave when he remembers Alfred's party.

"Actually, Carriedo, can you get me something from town too?" The Spaniard nods, and behind him Lovino hisses something that sounds suspiciously like

"Fucking Antonello, hurry up and get my tomatoes!"

The rest of the afternoon passes by quietly, as normal as Hetalia would allow.

Dinner didn't turn into the normal battlefield as Alfred was staring and smiling just like Tzar Ivan does at the smallest sign of trouble breaking out.

At last the dishes was collected by the various maids and butlers, the tables shoved and stacked at one side of the vast dining room, and from some mysterious corner music started playing.

The birthday boy is smiling widely, flitting around everywhere like one of Arthur's elusive fairies, talking with every noble, servant, and guard.

When the Grand Prince Arthur finally was finally coaxed into joining, the first thing the Viceroy does is plant a kiss on his cheek before something else catches his eye and he walks away, leaving behind a blushing Englishman and a camera-happy Princess Elizabeta.

Vash leans against a table, idly sipping punch and surveying the room.

_This is not a huge waste of time_ he thinks, even as Gilbert and Francis announces the beginning of a large drinking contest and half the guards that are supposed to be on duty join. After all, Alfred had been kind enough to invite every single person residing in the castle, which includes all the maids, butlers, cooks, stablehands, gardeners, librarians, guards, and of course, him. The gatekeeper.

But in the end, according to Murphy's law anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

At around 11, when Francis already has slipped out of his shirt and even Gupta is a bit tipsy, there was a small shattering noise. Not loud enough to attract the attention of everyone at the party, just loud enough so a few people blink and turn at the sound, dismissing it as a drunk couple getting their freak on.

Vash put his drink down and narrows his eyes. No one has left the party yet.

"Hey Vash!" Said gatekeeper curses before turning around to see the Viceroy waving him over.

"Yes, Mr. Jones?" He says politely, mind already sketching out the various possibilities the noise could be.

"Now, now, no need for formalities! Otherwise Francis would be keeping his pants on, am I right?" Vash turns around and true to Alfred's word, Prince Francis is stripping down to his undergarments. His eye twitches and he reaches for his gun...

… Which was taken away by the Head Maid Mei on the grounds that "I won't have you ruin the Viceroy's birthday! We all need this break!"

"So, how's the party?" Alfred says, rocking back and forth on his feet.

"Here." Vash doesn't even pretend to play along with the American's stalling-before-subtly-asking-for-my-gift talk and hands him a long, thin box.

"Ooh! Thank you Vash!" He cries, giving him a one-hand hug, the other arm struggling to open the box.

Vash tries to sneak away while the Viceroy rips the present open to no avail.

"Cool! A new baseball bat!" He cries, swinging it around. "How did you know I wanted one?"

"Er, I heard it somewhere," Vash mutters, inching towards the door. _Honestly, you were complaining so much when Gilbert broke your last one it was kind of hard not to notice that you wanted a new one._

"Hey, is that Arthur over there calling you?" He says, cutting into Alfred's chatter about baseball.

"Hm? Oh yeah, I have to get my present from Artie! Thanks a lot, Vash!" The American runs over to the Grand Prince, who is sadly empty handed.

Vash feels only a twinge of guilt of what's he's unleashed at the English man and slips out, grabbing his trusty shotgun from the pot Mei hid it in.

Walking down the empty halls he looks around, squinting at every shadow he sees.

Once he's out of Hetalia's grasps the first thing he sees is a rope hanging over the wall and a shattered potted plant. Roughly erased footmarks lead towards another entrance to the castle, and abruptly stop, as if the intruder had heard something coming...

"Show yourself!" Vash calls, eyes sweeping the damage. His only response is a giggle, girly and unsettling. He scowls, moving his shotgun into position.

"So... All the nobles lazing about inside leave just one guard to take care of them... You poor thing," A high-pitched voice calls, from around the castle and behind Vash. He swears in German, turning around, gun ready to blow lead into the offender.

"My, my. Aren't you a cute one? Why would they leave someone as adorable as you out of the festivities?" A girl stands in front of the door, a polite smile on her face. She's taller than he is, much taller, with long blond hair and a crowbar in her hands. She looks frail, as if she was also a noble herself, so Vash falters for a split-second; maybe she's Francis' date for the night, or maybe she is Ivan's cousin.

The strange girl leaps on that hesitation, swinging the crowbar down with enough force to crack his skull. All traces of uncertainty vanish, he side-steps and shoot thrice in her direction, getting her left shoulder and knee, the third one bouncing of her crowbar.

The intruder hisses in pain before throwing the jimmy at Vash. While he ducks to avoid getting hit the girl turns and runs inside rather quickly for someone that has a busted knee.

"Verdammt!" The gatekeeper swears before giving chase.

The intruder knows her way around the castle, going trough secret passages and trick doors that only the servants know about, all leading to the treasure room(Only God knows why Hetalia even has a treasure room.)

He finally corners her one corridor away from the elusive treasury, the girl's knee finally giving away.

"How many of you are there?" He growls, keeping the gun up to remind exactly who has the power here.

The girl smiles and says, "Есть много из нас, обладающий острым зрением один."

_Shit_, he scowls. _Russian._

"Вы очень острые. Я расскажу вам, Есть более чем один здесь сегодня вечером, но не более три," She continues, smug smile growing.

He's about to curse so violently Arthur would be put to shame when a word catches his attention. _Оди__н. Три._

Vash racks his brain for the memory of those words, and briefly remembers the Tzar bullying Raivis, seeing how long he could hold his breath for... He shudders slightly at the thought.

_No, focus, he scolds himself. Let's see... один is one... there was a number before tри, so that must've been two... so tри should be three. Three? One? Wait... Does this mean there are three people in the castle? She could be the 'one' that she was talking about... Wait._

"Shit!" He cries, and swiftly hits the back of the girl's neck. She leans into him, unconscious.

Vash contemplates leaving her there, but if one of the nobles got out and wandered... No, he has to take her with him.

He runs as quickly as he can towards the dining room, eyes tracing every familiar object, looking for foreign enemies.

"Anastasia!" A rough voice calls from behind him, and Vash ducks, avoiding the axe that buries itself deep into the wall in front of him.

He turns quickly, dropping the girl and shoots, getting the man on his right shoulder. While the stranger recoils in pain Vash sends another round, clipping the man's temple. He crumbles to the ground, unconscious.

Without sparing a second glance Vash runs after the third intruder, leaving the two fallen where they lay.

He hears the music before he sees the last man. The party is in full swing, and a drunk Danish count has probably taken over the music player.

The last man is humming as he approaches the door, a sniper rifle strapped to his back. Normally Vash would take a minute to appreciate the machine and it's shiny parts, but this man was not going to use that rifle for anything.

Just as he reaches for the door Vash clears his throat, announcing his presence.

The man turns, startled a bit, and with that Vash shoots, hitting his side. The other man swiftly reaches for his gun and shoots, three silent bullets.

The gatekeepers weaves through them, getting close enough to strike the man upon his head with the butt of his shotgun, knocking him out.

Vash only has a second to revel in his grim victory when the music stops playing from inside the dining room.

_ Right. We're standing next to the party._

Vash runs over to grab the man, drags him behind a corner, and frantically wipes away the blood on the floor with his jacket.

"Vash? What's going on?" Elizabeta asks cautiously, sticking her head out the door.

"Er, I, uh, saw something move outside. You know. No such thing as being too safe." He glances at the floor and catches a spot of blood he missed. Vash casually steps forward, covering it with his foot.

The Princess looks at him suspiciously before nodding and cracking a smile.

"Alright. Continue doing your job then, gatekeeper!" She chirps before closing the door again.

The Swiss man sighs before running a hand through his hair. Thank god he had a reputation as a over paranoid guard. Thank the heavens none of them found out about the intruders that managed to get in, even though he was the gatekeeper, the barrier shielding them from evil outside forces.

Nope, he would not let anyone hurt Hetalia and it's clueless, idiotic, helplessly silly inhabitants.

He watches. He guards. He destroys. He is Vash Zwingli, Hetalia's only Gatekeeper.

* * *

><p>Translations-<p>

Margave- German for Marquess

Barone- Italian for Baron

Wangja-Gun- Korean term meaning Prince of the Blood

Infante- Spainsh term meaning Prince

Antonello- Italian for Antonio

Verdammt- Damn

Есть много из нас, обладающий острым зрением один- There are many of us, sharp-eyed one.

Вы очень острые. Я расскажу вам, Есть более чем один здесь сегодня вечером, но не более три- You are very sharp. I will tell you, there are more than one here tonight, but no more than three.

Один_- _One

три_- _Three

Feel free to point out any errors in spelling, grammar, and translation! I might post a list with all the countries respective positions later so look out for that!

Eh, in the end the story turned out so serious... OTL

Feedback is awesome!


	2. Character List

Here is the list of all the nobles, servants, and the order of increasing powers(for the nobility).

The bolded names are official names, and the underlined names are sketches that Himaruya has made but has not yet put out official information about them.

Note: There is no real, historic reason as to which I placed the characters. If it was something I could see them doing (like Lithuania being a stable hand) or it's been commonly used in their country (Austria and Archduke), I stuck them there. Therefore anything you see that you may not like is not meant to offend.

If you have any questions feel free to ask!

* * *

><p>Highest Level: Emperor &amp; Empress<p>

King & Queen

Viceroy & Vicereine(aka governor)

Archduke

Grand Prince & Grand Princess/Grand Duke & Grand Duchess (Same amount of power)

Prince & Princess/Duke & Duchess

Marquess & Marchioness/Marquis & Marquise

Count & Countess/Earl & Countess

Viscount & Viscountess

Baron & Baroness

Baronet & Baronetess

Knight & Dame

(The lowest level) Noble

Nobility:

America[**Alfred F. Jones**]- Viceroy/Governor

Austria[**Roderich Edelstien**]- Archduke

Belarus[**Natalia Arlovskaya**]- Dame

Belgium[Laura Peeters]- Burggravin(countess)

Canada[**Matthew Williams**]- Grand Duke

China[**Yao Wang**]- Wang(King)

Denmark[Mikkel Densen]- Greve (Count)

Eygpt[**Gupta Muhammad Hassan**]- Prince

England[**Arthur Kirkland**]- Grand Prince

Finland[**Tino Väinämöinen**]- Kreivi (Count)

France[**Francis Bonnefoy**]- Prince

Germany[**Ludwig Beilschmidt**]- Margave(Marquess)

Greece[**Heracles Karpusi**]- Markissios(Marquess)

Hungary[**Elizabeta Héderváry**]- Princess

Iceland[Emil Steilsson]- Knight

North/South Italy[**Feliciano/Lovino Vargas**]- Barone (Baron)

Japan[**Kiku Honda**]- Koshaku(Duke)

North/South Korea[Min-Soo/**Yong-Soo Im**]- Wangja-Gun(Prince)

Netherlands[Abel van Dyk]- Burgrave(Count)

Norway[Lukas Bondevik]- Greve(count)

Poland[**Feliks Łukasiewicz**]- Wicehrabia(Viscount)

Prussia[**Gilbert Weillschmidt**]- Herzog(Duke)

Russia[**Ivan Braginski**]- Tzar(Emperor)

Sealand[**Peter Kirkland**]- Prince

Spain[**Antonio Fernandez Carriedo**]- Infante(Prince)

Sweden[**Berwald Oxenstierna**]- Riddare(Knight)

Turkey[**Sadık Adnan**]- Marki(Maruqess)

Ukraine[Irunya Chernenko]- Dame

-o-

Servants:

Switzerland[**Vash Zwingli**]- Gatekeeper/Head Guard

Taiwan[Mei Xiao]- Head Maid

Seychelles[Michelle Mancham]- Maid

Monaco[Emilie Kelly]- Maid

Portugal[Amelia Silva]- Maid

Wy[Wynn Brown]- Maid

Singapore[Christina Lim]- Maid

India[Paadini Dhanda]- Maid

Mongolia[Kushi Ganbold]- Butler

Cyprus[Kyros Demir]- Butler

Paraguay[Micha Lugo]- Butler

Uganda[Najja Museveni]- Butler

Seborga[Donatello Ricci]- Butler

Australia[Kyle Brown]- Gardener

Cuba[Carlos Baltazar Monzalvo]- Gardener

Tibet[Anil Khan]- Gardener

Albania[Edon Broci]- Gardener

Thailand[Jaidee Wattana]- Cook

Vietnam[Hien Pham]- Cook

New Zealand[Alexis Hobbs]- Cook

Czech[Ryba Stejfa]- Cook

Ireland[Ellie O'Nelly]- Cook

Kenya[Makena Wangai]- Cook

Macau[Sam Chui Sai On]- Librarian

Cameroon[Paul Ahidjo]- Librarian

Luxembourg[Jan Gilles]- Librarian

Estonia[**Eduard von Bock**]- Librarian

Latvia[**Raivis Galante**]- Librarian

Hong Kong[Xiao Chun Li/**Leon**]- Guard

Romania[Dorin Popescu]- Guard

Slovakia[Jarek Vodzak]- Guard

Bulgaria[Andrei Angelova]- Guard

Northern Ireland[Kian O'Nelly]- Guard

Scotland[Clyde Stewart]- Guard

Wales[Bryce Evans]- Guard

Lithuania[**Toris Laurinaitis**]- Stable Hand

Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus[Ismet Demir]- Stable Hand

Moldova[Viku Berres]- Stable Hand

Mexico[Alberto Gonzalez]- Stable Hand


	3. All's Fair in Love and War

**Title: **All's Fair in Love and War

**Author: **the Midnight Ghost

**Rating: **K+ for Francis' wandering hand.

**Characters: **Vash(Switzerland), Francis(France), Arthur(England), Mei(Taiwan), Dorin(Romania), Xiao/Leon(Hong Kong), Peter(Sealand), Wynn(Wy), and Ismet(TRNC)

**Summary: **Vash didn't intend to become Hetalia's Gatekeeper. He kinda had to beat up a French Prince to get the position. Hey, all's fair in love and war, right?

**AN: **I lied. I'm just gonna stick all my stories from this AU here. Hope you don't mind! (These are supposed to be loosely connected one-shots.)

Also, thank you again yeeeitscarmen for proofreading!

**Note: **This story talks about nobles from the past. I am pretty sure none of them exist now, so just pretend that they live in a world where there are kings and queens in a modern setting. Also, no historical references were made to choose which country got which position. You have been warned.

**Disclaimer: **If I were Himaruya, I'd include more Switzerland and South Korea. But since I'm not, I just sit and dream.

-o-

"For Christ's sake, would you stop eating for one second? Vash will have my head if you aren't at your posts!" Mei hisses, trying to chase Xiao and Dorin out of the kitchen.

"Oh please. He's too busy taking care of those brats outside anyway," Dorin says in a dismissive manner and grabs a bunch of grapes.

"KIRKLAND!" The three hear the infamous Gatekeeper scream and jump, or in Xiao's case, raise a bushy eyebrow.

"Shit! Come on, Xiao, let's scram before he finds us!" Dorin hisses, cramming the rest of the grapes into his mouth before dragging the Hong Konger out of the kitchen.

Two seconds later Prince Peter, Wynn, and Ismet tumble in, looking as if they just ran a mile- away from an angry gatekeeper.

"Wynn. Why aren't you with Michelle? You're supposed to be cleaning up the Princess's room. And Ismet, why aren't you helping Toris with the Jaidee's elephant? You can play with Prince Peter later," Mei scolds, brandishing a wash rag threateningly. Vash passes by, all disheveled, and soaks in the scene: the trio looking down, shamefully staring at their feet and and the angry looking Head Maid, surely going to punish them.

With a nod he leaves, back to the gate.

As he leaves they all sigh and relax, all immediate threats gone.

"Geez, what's up with the Gatekeeper? He's got a huge stick up his-" Ismet groans, taking of his head to mop his face with it. Wynn grimaces.

"Ismet," Mei warns, returning to her job of folding up all the kitchen and dining cloth.

"For once I have to agree, desu yo! Vash is worse than Jerk Arthur is sometimes!" Peter groans, dragging his once clean sleeve across his forehead.

"Well, he is a bit strict..." Mei agrees, slowly nodding. The three stare at her, disbelieving.

"But he has a lot to do every day. Making sure no outsiders come in, watching over the gates, keeping the guards in their place..." She continues, folding a napkin with flourish.

"Hey Mei! Is Vash gone now?" Dorin calls, peering around the corner of the door. Xiao walks in, and since his head is immediately bitten off by angry Swiss men the Romanian breathes in relief and walks in.

"So, talking about our favorite Gatekeeper, are we?" Dorin chirps, plucking more grapes and eating them.

"How did he even become the Gatekeeper? I've never seen him around here before!" Wynn asks, tossing a grape in the air and eating it.

"It's like, all Francis's fault," Xiao says, helping Mei fold.

"Francis? You mean the one Sadiq tells me to stay away from? The one that tried to look up Emilie's skirt during breakfast? The one that Peter's jerk Brother hates? The one that tries to go on 'adventures' with Grand Duke Matthew? The one that can't lift up a sack of flour without wincing? That Francis?" Ismet cries, looking incredulous

_The French strike again_, the older three think.

"Yes, that Francis. It's all his fault that Vash is our wonderful Gatekeeper and Head Guard," Dorin nods, taking an apple and biting into it.

"Mei, like, tell them what happened. I'll fold," Xiao says as he continues folding with a deadpan expression.

"Oh alright. It happened about a year ago, when you three were all sick with the flu because you all were playing in the rain..."

o

Vash stands in awe as he stares at the large, nearly golden castle from the village square.

"New, aren't you?" An elderly woman calls from where she's seated, knitting a scarf.

"Er, yes. I'm looking for a job around here. Do you happen to know someplace that might be hiring?" Vash asks, inclining his head a little in respect.

"My my, if only my son were as driven as you were. Maybe he would actually be somewhere in life," The old woman says, shaking her head.

Vash smiles in sympathy, while he groans internally._ I do not need to hear this._

"The castle you were looking at earlier? Hetalia? I believe they are looking for a new guard." She continues, gesturing to Hetalia with her knitting needles.

Vash's ears perk up when he hears the word guard. _I can guard. Guarding is easy. I'll just have to aim at less vital parts._

The woman eyes at the sudden interest in Vash's eyes and sighs.

"I must warn you about not thing, however. That castle, right there? It's filled to the brim with nobles from all over the world." Vash nods. Nobles. I can handle snobby rich people.

"They're not exactly the most traditional of nobles, per say." Vash narrows his eyes. _Not traditional nobles?_

"There are many rumors about the place, about how there are many... Homosexuals running about." Vash snorts without thinking, which earns him a glare. _Really? Gay people? That's what they're all on about?_

"The residents are also very crazy. I heard that once, a German duke managed to destroy the entire west wing because he 'Felt awesomer than usual.' An entire half of the building was demolished!" _Well. That __**was**__ something to be worried about._

"Did he destroy it with some type of machine?" Already Vash was going through the various situations in his head: the duke had borrowed a wrecking ball and caved in the walls, he cut through the wooden support beams that were holding up Hetalia, he borrowed another nobleman's private jet and crash-landed, he-

"He did it all by hand. Hand! How could anyone destroy a building with his bare hands?" The old lady wails.

Vash stares in shock at the woman. _Bare hands? That's... That's impossible!_

"So drop by the castle if you wish, boy, but if you care for your safety you better just head down to Lack's Tavern for a job," The elderly lady concludes, resuming her knitting.

"Er, yes. Thank you very much, ma'am." Vash nods his head, and slinging his bag back on his shoulder, continues walking around, keeping an eye out for a certain tavern...

Yet his eyes are constantly drawn back to the golden castle.

Later on that day, Vash finds himself back at the village square. He sits at the fountain. The old lady was no longer there, having gone home to cook for whoever is still at her house.

He briefly contemplates staying the night outside(to save money) when he spots something blond out of the corner of his eye.

"Bonjour, M'ange. I have not seen your lovely face around here. Where do you come from?" Vash hears someone purr next to him, and suddenly there is a warm body pressed up against him.

Vash scowls before standing up, glaring at the man who invaded his personal space(which is quite large.)

"Switzerland," he says curtly, narrowing his eyes when the man smiles... Oddly.

"A man from the land of the beautiful Alps, non? No, you must be the land personified, for your beauty is matched only by the sparkling snow on those majestic mountains," The man exclaims, grabbing Vash's hand and kissing it.

Vash's mind has been in lock-down mode for the greater part of the strange man's speech. He's so brain-dead that he almost doesn't catch the hand snaking around his waist and heading for his posterior.

Almost.

As the hand gets nice and personal with his gluteus maximus Vash's mind snaps.

Before he knows it an ash blond man with bushy eyebrows is pulling him away from the offender, he and his hand severely injured.

"'What the bloody hell did you do, you damn frog?" Eyebrows hisses, his English accent penetrating Vash's rather pissed mind.

"I was only professing my undying l'amour for the Swiss man, Les Goddams," The pervert wails from the floor.

Eyebrow's grip on Vash tightens considerably. "One more word out of you, Francis, and I'll let him go. And stop calling me bloody French names!" The pervert, most likely Francis, whimpers.

Meanwhile Vash was beating himself up mentally. _Goddamn it, how could you let yourself hurt the idiot like that? If you get thrown in jail you won't be able to earn enough money to help Lilli! Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

Eyebrows sighs.

"Look, mister, I know that what this damn frog did to you was probably a huge invasion of personal space, however, no matter how much of a bloody pervert he is, he's still a prince."

Vash feels the blood draining out of his face. _A prince? A I-can-have-you-hanged-faster-than-you-can-blink Prince?_

_Sheisse._

"... So I need for you to come with me," Eyebrows finishes talking and looks at Vash expectantly.

"Er, ok?" Vash answers, wincing a bit. _I really need to work on not getting lost in my thoughts._

With that the two of them walk towards the golden castle, a doctor taking care of the Prince.

All throughout the walk Vash thinks about his sister. _How much money does Lilli have left? About 1300 francs... With that much she can travel to Lichtenstein in about a week... But she won't be able to find a place to stay on the first night there... I still have some francs, maybe they will let me send them to her, along with a letter? If they don't I'm going to have to bargain with the jail warden... Maybe Papi's old watch can convince him to forward a letter to Lilli...?_

A sudden stop jerks him out of his thoughts; they're finally at the castle gates. They are large gates, gray with small elegant metal vines weaving through the bars. The gates seem golden, as Hetalia's facade peeks through.

"This is Hetalia. It's full of nobles from all over the world. Created by Remulus and his friend Aland(Although there have been rumors about them having a relationship that was more than just friendly) a couple years ago, now nobles from all over the world reside in it," Eyebrows says, fumbling with his keys.

"Leon!" He finally growls, giving up on his keys.

A minute later an Asian man approaches the gate from the inside, his face deadpan.

"Leon, can you open the gate?" Eyebrows asks, relief painted all over his face.

"I can totally not let outsiders inside," Is Leon's response. Eyebrows scowls.

"Do I look like a bloody outsider?"

While the two converse, the Asian man expressionless while Eyebrows grows angrier by the second, Vash takes a moment to look over the castle.

It truly looked golden, with large windows even breaking the surface and wall ivy crawling up it's walls at the right places.

In front of the castle is a rather large driveway. Other nobles and possible servants dot the grass, doing whatever they please.

He brings his eyes back to the two men. Eyebrows looks about ready to explode. Leon looks as impassive as ever, responding in quick but oddly worded sentences. He also seems to have bushy eyebrows as well, although not as intense as Eyebrows's are.

"For fucks sake let me in Leon!" Eyebrows yells, face red from anger. Leon doesn't even flinch, and unlocks the gate with ease.

Vash feels dread pooling in the bottom of his stomach as he follows Eyebrows across the large driveway. _This is so not going to end well._

The various nobles and servants give them all strange looks as the march towards the castle. Eyebrows shrugs them off as if he were used to them, which he probably was because of his eyebrows.

The inside of Hetalia is as breath-taking as the outside. Vash only has a second to soak in the sight before being whisked down hallway after hallway by Eyebrows.

They finally stop in front of two large white doors. A plaque is hung up to the side of them, with the words 'Grand Prince Arthur Kirkland of England' inscribed on it.

Arthur opens the door and light floods the hallway from the large window inside of the room. When Vash's eyes adjust to the light he finds that the window gives away to Hetalia's large driveway. He can barely make out Leon at the end of the driveway.

In front of the window is a large desk, neat and organized.

"Sit," Arthur commands, and Vash complies.

The Grand Prince busies himself with a teapot and after what seems like an eternity to Vash he sets a tray with tea and scones on the desk. He sits and gestures for Vash to take a cup.

"So. Mr...?"

"Vash Zwingli."

"Mr. Zwingli. You managed to break Prince Francis' hand, along with giving him a black eye, three fractured ribs, and a good kick to the balls."

Vash winces. _When did he find out all that?_

"... Yes."  
>"All in a matter of five minutes," Arthur continues, taking a casual sip of his tea. Vash fidgets. <em>It's been a long time since I felt this... vulnerable.<em>

"Yes."

Arthur leans forward, hands resting on on clasped hands. "I'd say you're pretty good at panning people up. Can you do anything else other than land a good punch?"

Vash blinks. _What? _"I'm a pretty good shot." His eyes flicker over to his bag, where his beloved shotgun is.

A wide smile breaks across Arthur's face. He looks as if Christmas has come five months early.

"Great! Then you'll be perfect as our new gatekeeper!"

Vash stares at him, an unfathomable expression on his face. "... Excuse me?"

"Gatekeeper. One who watches gates. Heck, I'll even let you be the Head Guard. You look like you could manage a couple of rascals,' Arthur says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"... Why?" Once again, his mind is in too much shock to go further than three worded sentences.

"Because I don't happen to like that French pervert. As they say, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And you do happen to be looking for a job," Arthur says with an air of indifference, taking another sip of his tea.

Vash shakes his head. "How do you know I am trustworthy?"

Arthur looks at him with half lidded eyes, "Either way you're stuck here. You have to pay for the frog's medical bill. Unless you fancy a visit to the pokeys."

Vash scowls before he can stop it. Arthur has Vash trapped and he knows it.

"What about... Leon?" He says after a bit of silence.

"Oh, he's just a guard. His position will be changed after you take the job." Vash chooses not to speak about the way Arthur spoke, as if he already accepted being their gatekeeper.

"... Alright. I'll be your gatekeeper. Head guard. Whatever," Vash grumbles after another round of silence.

Arthur smiles victoriously. "Nu-uh-uh," he says, pointer finger in the air.

"You are Hetalia's new gatekeeper."

o

"So Jerk England was the one that hired Vash?" Peter asks as soon as Mei finishes.

"That is correct," Xiao states, folding the last cloth.

"Wow! Vash was so badass!" Dorin cheers, apple forgotten.

"How did you know that happened?" Wynn asks, eyes sparkling.

Mei chuckles, "A woman has her ways."

"DORIN! XIAO!" They all jump as they hear Vash roar.

"Aw man! Gotta run, Mei! See you brats later!" Dorin whines, grabbing his apple and running out, Xiao at his heels.

"Mei!" Vash bursts in, holding the side of the door as he fights to catch his breath. "Have you seen Dorin and Xiao at all in here today?"

Mei taps her chin thoughtfully. _Turn them in, or let them get away with it this time?_

"They went that way." She points at the direction the two guards just left. _That's what you get for interrupting my work. My condolences, cousin Xiao._

"Thanks," Vash wheezes before running after the two. She can hear his angry yelling and Dorin's laughter from where she stands.

Peter, Wynn, and Ismet crawl out from their hiding spot underneath the table.

"I think I like the quiet Vash from your story better," Ismet says to no one in particular.

Mei laughs, shaking her head.

"Now, get to work you two! And Prince Kirkland, your brother is looking for you." Mei claps her hands, and the three children disperse while grumbling.

Mei hums as she picks up the folded cloth. _Maybe I'll visit old Granny Marie at the fountain today. I still have to thank her for getting us a better gatekeeper._

Just another normal day at Hetalia.

* * *

><p>Translations-<p>

Bonjour, M'ange- Hello, my angel.

Les Goddams- 'the Goddamn', French nickname used for the English during the Hundred Years War, due to their over use of profanity.

Sheisse- Shit

1300 Francs- Switzerland currency, I believe it's roughly $1654 in American currency.

Have questions? Ask in a review!


	4. I Think I Need a Lobotomy

**Title: **I Think I Need a Lobotomy

**Author: **the Midnight Ghost

**Rating: **K+ for Switzerland's awkwardness and fail make-out scenes

**Characters: **Vash(Switzerland), Elizabeta(Hungary), Tino(Finland), Berwald(Sweden), Alfred/Arthur(USUK), Donatello/Michelle(Seborga/Seychelles), Jan/Christina(Luxembourg/Singapore), Laura/Emilie(Belgium/Monaco), Ludwig/Feliciano(Germany/South Italy), and Feliks/Toris(Poland/Lithuania)

**Summary: **Being a gatekeeper was a rather boring job. At least, not when it means breaking the secret rendezvous everyone has, stumbling into things Vash really doesn't want to see. Brain bleach, anyone?

**AN: **This is set about a month after Vash starts out as a gatekeeper. Warning: this does have BL, shounen ai, slash, whatever.

_Italics _are Vash's thoughts.

Thanks to yeeeitscarmen for beta-ing!

I'm going to be writing in past tense for most of this, as it's talking about the past.

**Note: **This story talks about nobles from the past. I am pretty sure none of them exist now, so just pretend that they live in a world where there are kings and queens in a modern setting. Also, no historical references were made to choose which country got which position. You have been warned.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hetalia. If I did, I still wouldn't believe it.

-o-

Even if Hetalia is a strange castle filled with odd nobles, quirky servants, and several exotic animals, Vash has no problem settling in. He does not know why. The people from his old village back in Switzerland expected him to get kicked out after a week; his explosive temper even worse without Lilli there to calm him down. To their surprise he lasted the first week, then the second, then the third, and finally a month.

Vash is a bit surprised too, although not for that reason. For a castle filled with high-class noblemen and women there are few visitors, and even fewer attackers. Not that the inhabitants are ill-mannered and unsociable, it's just that _aren't nobles social butterflies?_ It just doesn't add up in Vash's mind.

So his job is lenient. He could slack off and goof around with the nobles(like what all the other guards do) but Vash is not one to do things halfway and then abandon them. First day on the job he demanded a meeting at the front gate, barked out new positions, shifts, and "If I catch any of you slacking off, I have permission from the Grand Prince to shoot for obedience." After the guards hurriedly scrambled off to their new stations Vash walked around the wall encompassing Hetalia, looking for any blind spots and other entrances.

The next day he interrogated each and every noble about their out-of-the-castle-castle habits; what time they usually left at, how many people they brought in(Francis had a horrific amount of women he took to his room), and if they had enemies of any sort.

Word traveled quickly that they had a competent gatekeeper. At first they relaxed even more, knowing that Vash would rather shoot himself then fail at his duty, but soon it got real annoying.

At first it was because he had strict rules on who had the gate keys and who didn't. Only he and the Head Maid had the keys to open the gate. (According to Wicehrabia Feliks Tzar Ivan had threatened Vash for a key before, but the Gatekeeper held on strong and told him firmly that, "Why would you need to get inside the castle late at night? Unless you are trying to hide something from me..." Ivan promptly shut up and kol-ed away.)

Not only that, but the man actually walked around the gates, looking for any intruders or foreign objects.

Neither the inhabitants of Hetalia and the Gatekeeper would mind except for the fact that the outer side of Hetalia's wall is equivalent to an office's water cooler- the ultimate rendezvous spot.

The first time Vash stumbled upon a lover's secret meeting was on his second day guarding Hetalia. He was patrolling the gates, the steps already burned into his memory when he caught twin brown pigtails dash behind a corner.

To his knowledge only one member of Hetalia had pigtails, and that was a maid from a far away island called Seychelles, Michelle... Mancham? Something like that. Anyways, he could only think of two reasons as to why she was outside at the time, so he quickened his pace.

As soon as he turned the corner he instantly wished he hadn't; Michelle was being pressed up against the wall by Donatello, the butler from Seborga. Flushing red he quickly walked back around the corner and nearly ran back to the front. He was sure he didn't make a sound but for the rest of the day neither of the servants could look him in the eye without blushing.

The next time he walked in on someone 'getting their freak on'(Gilbert's words, not his) was the week after, after dinner. Alfred had a particularly nasty spat with Arthur, and the tension was thicker than the Grand Prince's pea soup.

Which is why Vash didn't expect to see the two of them playing tonsil hockey right outside the gates. Arthur's arms were slung around Alfred's neck and the Viceroy's hands were sliding down from his waist, slipping under the Grand Prince's shirt, lifting it up slowly and-

Feeling a bit lightheaded with all the blood rushing to his face in his embarrassment, he promptly shot three rounds into the sky, shocking the two out of their embrace. They looked disheveled; Arthur was spluttering while his face quickly matched the shade of red Vash's was. Alfred laughed loudly and pulled the Grand Prince back inside the gates, presumably to continue what Vash interrupted.

A silent hiss of frustration caught Vash's attention and he turned, gun held steadily at the tree from where the noise came from.

Princess Elizabeta hopped out, camera in one hand and the other covering her nose.

"Geez, did you have to interrupt them? It was just getting good!" She whined, shaking her camera at him. He blinked, shock stilling his tongue.

"Oh well. At least I got some of it. See you later, Gatekeeper!" Elizabeta quickly walked inside, probably trying to catch the rest of Alfred and Arthur's make-out session.

Three more times he caught someone in the middle of business that should stay behind closed doors; Jan Gilles the librarian from Luxembourg with the maid from Singapore, Christina Lim(Christina seemed more shocked at herself then Switzerland did, her normally neat bun skewed and her laundry abandoned on the ground), Belgium Burggravin Laura Peeters and Emilie Kelly, the maid from Monaco(Laura grinned at him and asked if he wanted to join in, because _technically _these are his gates. He almost shot her), and even the Margave Ludwig with his Italian Barone Feliciano(Ludwig, wisely, kept his mouth shut. Feliciano, on the other hand, chattered on and on about the day and the sky and the birds and the clouds and and and Vash was very close to shooting him and relieving everyone of their idiot-induced headaches.)

The last stand was when he caught the Polish Wicehrabia Feliks with the Lithuanian stable hand Toris.

"Like, haven't you heard? Apparently getting caught at the gates is the newest 'it' thing!" The Wicehrabia chirped, hands still unbuttoning Toris's shirt.

Eye twitching he promptly kicked Feliks back inside the castle and dragged Toris back to the stables.

_ Honestly! Do these nobles, scratch that, these **people** understand the meaning of privacy? I highly doubt that this is acceptable in most of their cultures, so just because Hetalia is a different place doesn't mean they can flaunt around their relationships! Hell, there are children around! _He scowled, stomping around the wall and keeping his eye out for more passionately embracing duos.

"Excuse me..." Vash turned around, a small voice bringing him out of his inner ranting.

Kreivi Tino Väinämöinen had his hand up as if he was going to tap his shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face. Behind him the Riddare Berwald Oxenstierna was giving him an odd look.(Vash thinks it's an odd look. It's kind of hard to tell when the man looks like your the lowest scum on earth normally, but Vash knows that the Riddare just has an intimidating aura.)

"Are you OK, Mr. Gatekeeper?" Tino asked. Berwald shifted, holding a nearly defensive stance.

_I just said that out loud, didn't I?_ Vash flushed, not for the first time that week.

"I'm sorry, er, Kreivi and Riddare," He said quickly, bowing.

"No no, I can understand why you would be so frustrated. This 'trend' is a rather..."Tino trailed off.

"St'p'd," Berwald contributed.

"Yes, exactly Berwald." Tino smiled widely and Vash relaxed a little. The cheery Finnish Count had a rather calming aura; no wonder Raivis ran to him after a very bad time with the Tzar.

"It is ok. You cannot exactly fight... Love." Vash's eye twitched when he got to the L word.

Tino laughed and Vash spot a hint of a smile at the corner of Berwald's eye.

"Now, I trust that you are a good gatekeeper. Heaven knows we need one, especially since Mikkel keeps on coming back late at night..." Vash briefly remembers meeting a loud spiky haired blond Dane that towered over him.

"M'kk'l needs to lea'n h'w t' k'ep 'n t'me." Berwald frowned.

"So, I don't think you'll mind that much if we, ah, clean the situation up, am I right Mr. Gatekeeper?" Vash blinked.

"Um, sure?" _I'm pretty sure I have no control over your actions..._

"Great! We'll get to it tomorrow! Hold out until then, Mr. Gatekeeper!" Tino beamed and then dragged Berwald away.

Confused, Vash continued walking, making sure to stomp loudly so upcoming lovers could have a chance to scram before more mental scarring occurred.

Vash found his answer to Tino's cryptic question the next day during diner. It was turning out to be another normal day; Vash found himself three more couples, shot a couple of trees in his embarrassment, and had his tolerance for awkward situations grow. Poking his pad-Thai instead of eating it(although it is delicous, Jaidee has outdone himself again) he glanced around the dining hall.

Alfred and Arthur were fighting over some meaningless thing again, Feliciano was chattering the ear off everyone around him, Francis was taking of the Spanish Infante's shirt, Lovino was yelling at Francis to stop taking of Antonio's shirt(although with a lot more expletives thrown in), the Belorussian Dame Natalia was threatening the Estonian librarian Eduard to tell her where her "beloved brother Ivan" was, Herzog Gilbert was picking on Archduke Roderich, Princess Elizabeta was moving to whack Gilbert with her frying pan, and a mini shouting match was going on between Markissios Heracles and Markis Sadiq. (Although Sadiq was yelling and Heracles was slowly nodding off.) Basically a normal dinner.

At least, before Tino stood up, hit his fork against his glass cup, effectively catching the attention of everyone in the room, and then climbed onto his chair so his voice could spread across the large room easier. (Berwald held his hands out just in case Tino fell.)

"Hello everyone!(A chorus of "Hi"s) I know we've all met our new Gatekeeper Vash, right? ("Oui," France said rather sulkily) Well, he has been patrolling our wall lately("And hounding the guards," Dorin growled, glaring at Vash) and interrupting, ah, you guys.(Insert a nice, long wolf whistle from Gilbert here.) And I know it's become popular to start dragging your lovers there and getting intimate with them(An appreciative "Honhonhon" from Francis) but it greatly inconveniences Vash from doing his job protecting us!("But it's like, totally fun!" Poland whined. Elizabeta flashed him a thumbs up.) So I would like to ask for you guys to stop your meetings outside and perhaps keep them inside?(Several scoffs) Pretty please?(More than one eye roll) We don't want to lose Vash, after all!(Everyone directed their gazes toward said Swiss man.)"

Vash crossed his arms and glared at each and every person staring at him. His fingers twitched for a trigger that wasn't there.

"I don't see why we have to stop. It's not as if the gates are his alone," Abel drawled, drumming his fingers on the tabletop.

Tino frowned at the wave of agreements that followed.

"But he needs to concentrate so we can be safe!" He said, the beginning of a pout forming on his face.

More cries of dissent. In the midst of the noise no one but Vash noticed the look of irritance crossing Tino and Berwald's face.

"Look, I just want the children and younger members of Hetalia to be safe-!" Once again Tino is cut off by irritated nobles and servants alike.

After a couple more cut-offs and rude gestures Vash had enough of the madness.

Apparently Berwald had enough to. He stood up, slamming his hands on the table enough to cause a crack on it.

"EN'UGH!" He roared, his face intensifying to a terrifying point. All noise ceased immediately.

"Thank you, Berwald," Tino said quietly, although his eyes were also angry.

"Now. I will ask for you guys to stop your assignations, all right?" Tino smiled, and the sound of a gun being cocked reverberated throughout the dining hall.

While Vash wondered why everyone instantly froze and Ivan kol-ed very feebly, the rest of them remembered the day that Tino snapped after being hounded by the Tzar one too many times.

"So. Are we on the same page here?" Berwald glared at all them. Vash had a sudden flashback to a picture of a Viking from an old textbook.

Several nods and whispers of consent.

"Great!" Tino beamed, all traces of the previous chill gone. He stepped of his chair, turned to a too stoic Lukas, and proceeded to talk about saunas.

After ten minutes Feliciano started wailing about his now cold pad-Thai and the silent spell was broken. Occasionally someone would stare at Vash, probably wondering how he got Tino and Berwald to stand up for him, but then a sudden chill would emanate from the Kreivi's corner of the room and they would quickly look away.

From then on Vash encountered no more couples passionately groping each other around his wall, and his job returned to being mundane and quiet.

"DAMNIT WEILLSCHMIDT! GET BACK HERE NOW!" Vash screams, chasing after the Herzog.

Yeah. Normal.


	5. Sixty Seven and Counting

**Title: **Sixty-Seven and Counting

**Author: **the Midnight Ghost

**Rating: **K+ For Hong Kong's totally awesome accent.

**Characters: **Vash(Switzerland), Everyone(I mean EVERYONE)

**Summary: **According to his Bulgarian guard Andrei, there are 67 residents in Hetalia, each from a different country. According to his current tour guide Leon each one of the 67 residents are bat-shit crazy, him included.

**AN: **I swear, this is the last pre-Behind the Golden Gates chapter I'll write out for a while. This one is written in present tense, and happens right after Vash becomes Hetalia's guard.

_Italics_ are still Vash's thoughts.

**Note: **This story talks about nobles from the past. I am pretty sure none of them exist now, so just pretend that they live in a world where there are kings and queens in a modern setting. Also, no historical references were made to choose which country got which position. You have been warned.

**Disclaimer: **Draw a circle, that's the earth! Draw a circle, that's the earth! Draw a circle, that's the earth! I do not own Hetalia!

-o-

According to his Bulgarian guard Andrei, there are 67 residents in Hetalia, each from a different country. According to his current tour guide Leon(Or as he introduced, Xiao. _Which one do I call him?_) each one of the 67 residents are bat-shit crazy, him included.

"Are you sure that's a good first impression you should be giving to a newcomer?" Vash asks, and Xiao stops and stares at him. And stares. And stares. (His large eyebrows give him an extra intensifying look.)

"I supposed not. But the truth like, sets you free, am I correct?" The Asian man says. Vash begrudgingly nods.

"So, where are we going?" Vash asks, pulling at the collar of the stiff new uniform he was just given. It's a double-breasted green military jacket with a black collar, cuffs, and epaulets. He also sports a pair of brown trousers, matching tall boots with white cuffs, and a new white beret on his head. The outfit is rather snug, which leads him to wonder exactly when(and how) they got his measurements.

"First you must meet your subordinates, like, no? Unless you want them to goof off." Xiao shrugs.

"Carry on then," Vash says gruffly, wishing he had his old turtleneck back so he could bury his head in its collar.

After walking up to the gate at the front Xiao whistles a long, clear note. In about five minutes seven men run up to the gate, each wearing a different uniform.

"Line up, everyone. Like, ya know, this is Vash. He's from Switzerland and he beat up Francis. He's also super short. Oh, he's also our new Gatekeeper." Vash internally scowls. _Shouldn't you have introduced me as the Gatekeeper from the beginning?_

"Oh? Gatekeeper?" A blond man says, who's around the same height as Vash. He wears a green side closing jacket, black gloves, black boots, and oddly enough, a small green hat with one red and white ribbon hanging off it.

"That is Dorin Popescu. He's Romanian. The dude likes pranks, fruit, and flirtin'. Just because he's Romanian doesn't mean he is, like, a vampire or a gypsy. Except it would be totally cool if he was. Dorin's also my partner, and we guard the west wing," Xiao explains as Dorin looks him over, pinching his cheeks and patting his back.

"Yo!" Dorin chirps as he slaps Vash's butt. He jumps and points the shotgun at Dorin's face.

"Whoa!" Dorin cries as the rest of the men laugh.

"Ye need ta work on your people skills Dorin!" A tall red head laughs, taking a drag from his cigar. This man has a blue jacket, blue trousers, a white shirt, a deep blue tie, and deep brown boots. He also has a white Sam Browne belts with two straps that loop over his shoulders under the epaulette.

"Vash, this is like Clyde Stewart. He's from Scotland. That dude smokes way too much, fer shure, drinks like there's no tomorrow, and fights like an animal. That dude guards the east win' of the castle by himself, although rumor has it he's been hangin' out there with German Herzog Gilbert Weillschmidt." Vash crinkles his nose. A German? _I'm going to have to keep an eye on the liquor stock in the kitchens..._

"Nice to meet ye Vash! I hope ya continue to fuck the people in Hetalia up!" Clyde roars as he pats Vash on the back. Vash nearly falls over.

"Stop harassing him, Clyde," Xiao says before turning him around to look at a cheery looking man and a younger looking one that looks like Arthur.

"The one on the right is Kian O'Nelly from Ireland-." Hong Kong points at the said man.

"**North** Ireland," Kian interupts with a smile.

"Right, right, North Ireland for sure. The one on the left is Bryce Evans from Wales. Kian has a twin sister from Ireland, but she works in the kitchen so you can meet that chick later. Bryce looks a lot like the Grand Prince but they claim it's only coincidence. Kian is like very feisty when drunk, while Bryce is like, ya know, just a depressed stick in the mud. They guard the back of Hetalia together." Bryce waves when his name is called, looking very bored.

They both wear the same uniform as Clyde does, although Kian's brown belt's strap loops only over his right shoulder and his uniform is pale green, while Bryce's black belt's strap loops over his left shoulder and his uniform color is olive green.

"Now, Jarek Vodzak is a Slovak and guards the front of Hetalia with Andrei Angelova from Bulgaria. They both are way too quiet, man, and rarely get drunk. Jarek has a half-sister that works in the kitchens too, and Andrei likes hittin' people with sticks," Xiao says as he spins Vash to face the two Europeans.

Jarek is a timid looking man wearing a simple gray wool double-breasted jacket and trousers, although his jacket does have several pins on it. Andrei, on the other hand, is wearing an olive green military uniform and black gloves.

Xiao once again spins Vash around to look at him. "Last but not the least I'm Xiao Chun Li from China. My partner is ya know, Dorin. I dig firecrackers, erotic art, oh, and irritatin' Arthur and Yao. I despise guys that cannot dress themselves properly. I am also slightly afraid of the dark and I greatly admire Jackie Chan. Nice to meet you," Xiao bows. He himself is wearing a burgundy duangua with black trim and oversized sleeves, and dark brown trousers.

"Oi, why do ye get a longer introduction than us?" Clyde groans.

"You're afraid of the dark Leon?" Dorin asks, staring into his partner's face.

"When are you going to stop talking in that stupid accent?" Bryce says, rolling his eyes.

"Stop?" Vash asks involuntarily. It just slipped out.

"Yes. When Leon first came he spoke like, as a certain someone puts it, a FOB. Fresh out the boat," Andrei explains.

"Then he started speaking like a robot to irritate Arthur," Jarek says as Clyde puts Bryce in a headlock.

"And now he's speaking like Feliks to annoy Yao!" Kian adds before going to rescue his partner from Clyde's death-grip.

"A-ah," Vash says, his mind reeling with the information. He shoves the thoughts aside and instead focuses on remembering each of the guard's names and faces, not to mention positions.

_Geez, the Grand Prince could've mentioned me having to take care of seven other guards._ He grits his teeth as he notices the mini-fight become a full out brawl.

Once even Xiao gets brought into the fight he shoots next to the dust cloud they've become, a vein throbbing painfully on his temple.

"Will you guys just be quiet for one second!" He barks, inhaling deeply and rubbing his forehead.

The seven of them stare at him, in a mixture of fear and awe.

"Now, get back to your places before I shoot again. And this time I won't miss on purpose!" He yells, and they all scramble to get up and away from the angry Gatekeeper.

"Well. That was easily stopped," Xiao says as he brushes off his clothes, his face deadpan.

"Right. Don't you have a castle to show me now?" Vash crosses his arms again, shotgun safely slung across his back.

Xiao nods and trots back towards the castle, leaving Vash behind to eat his dust.

"Oi! Wait!" He calls, running after the surprisingly fast Hong Kong-er.

By the time he's caught up with Xiao, he's in a hot kitchen. Delicious, foreign smells waft around, causing Vash's mouth to water.

"Hiiiiieeennn!" Xiao calls, standing on his toes.

"XIAO!" A female voice roars back, and soon enough a woman walks over to them angrily, her long black hair tied up in a ponytail. She carries a large paddle and her green ao dai's sleeves are rolled up to her shoulders.

"Vash, meet Hien Pham, Vietnamese cook that always carries her paddle. Hien, meet Vash Zwingli, our new Gatekeeper with a trigger happy finger from Switzerland." Vash glares at Xiao for that added bit.

"Oh, our new gatekeeper? Well, nice to meet you Mr. Vash." Hien extends her hand out to shake and Vash accepts it.

_Bad move,_ he thinks right after she crushes his hand in a strong grip. His face, however, remains impassive.

"Hien~! Hm, we need some more chili peppers ana! Hm, who is this ana?" Another Asian man walks up to the three, a smile on his face. He has spiky black hair and thin metal glasses. His white shirt's sleeves are also rolled up, and his black trousers are dusted with flour.

"Jaidee, this is our new gatekeeper from Switzerland! Chili peppers are on the top left shelf! Only three teaspoons, Jai-Jai, not like the three tablespoons you put last time. It was spicier than the phall curry Paadini once made!"

"Jaidee Wattana. He's our Thai cook. Cooks excellent munchies, fer shure, although it's either sweet or spicy. Likes to start his sentences with 'Hm' or 'Um' and ends them with 'ana.' He like, smiles all the time." Hien and Xiao both say at the same time.

"Yeah! My mouth was numb for three days!" A neutral voice calls, and from the smoke reveals a rather gender-neutral cook.

"Ah, Alexis Hobbs, the local androgyne. Hailin' from New Zealand, the land of sheep, like, there is only one thin' to be said about Alexis. Do you think that Alexis is like a dude or a chick?" Vash blinks, and looks over the New Zealander. Wearing a normal blue t-shirt and white pants, it's rather hard to pin down the gender of said androgyne. Once he catches himself checking the cook out he blushes and returns his gaze to the amused looking cook.

"Er, male?" Vash he says, willing his blush to fade.

Alexis only smiles mysteriously and turns, calling over the sound of food cooking, "Which do you think?"

"Here, let me call the other girls for you," Hien shouts over her sizzling wok. "Ryba! Ellie! Makena!"

Three women run up, each coated in flour.

"Hien! I swear, whatever my jerk brother is calling me out for, it's totally his fault!" A girl that looks similar to Jarek crossly says, pouting.

"Ryba Stejfa. From the Czech Republic. Jarek's long lost sister," Xiao whispers, slowly edging Vash and himself towards the door.

"Aye. What Ryba said. All I've been doin' was getting the bread ready," The red-head that looks eeriely like Kian crosses her arms, shifting her weight forward and making her look taller than she already is.

"Ellie O'Nelly. Kian's twin from Ireland. Very strong. Quick temper. We haf'ta leave soon," Xiao mutters, a bit closer to the door.

Hien scowls, and grabs Vash's sleeves right before the two guards slip outside.

"I didn't bring you here to yell. Although," Hien drags her eyes down their flour drenched chef's clothes. "I think I ought to."

"Why you be calling us here if you aren't going to lecture us?" The striking dark-colored woman sneers, eyes flashing at Vash's pulled around form. (Xiao still hasn't let go, ready to escape whenever Hien loosens her grip.)

"Makena Wangai. From Kenya. Don't back talk her, or you'll get your ass handed back to you." Xiao looks at the four girls staring each other down and tugs again at Vash's sleeve.

"This is Vash, from Switzerland. He's our new gatekeeper. I've heard that he beat up Francis. (A snort from all the cooks in the kitchen.) And unlike you three he seems like he can actually do his job." The said three narrow their eyes at the insult.

"Oh, we can't do our jobs, can we? That's not what yer were sayin' durin' de early mornin' rush!" Ellie's accent thickens as she grows angrier.

"Come on," Xiao says as he pulls Vash out of the kitchen and runs away, the sound of growing arguing getting softer as the get farther away from the kitchen.

"Like, since we're here we might as well get to the library." Xiao stops in front of a large door, with gold doorknobs.

Xiao opens the doors with a flourish, allowing a rush of cold air to hit the both of them.

"Leon Chun Li. What brings you here?" A blond hair man with glasses asks them coolly from his table. And Vash is pretty sure it's just the dust in the sunlight or something, because the man seems to be _sparkling._

"Eduard von Bock. Estonian librarian. He likes to fiddle with computers and sings pretty well."

"I see you have brought our new gatekeeper. Ash Kingsley, from Swaziland I presume?" Vash's eye twitches.

"No. Vash Zwingli from Switzerland. He's trigger happy and can handle one of Hien's handshakes." Eduard winces and offers a sympathetic smile when he hears bout Hien's handshake.

"Ah, sorry about that. When word gets passed around it gets a bit messed up... Like Leon said, I'm Eduard, head librarian. If you need help finding a book let me know," The Estonian smiles, offering his hand.

"Thanks," Vash shakes his hand, looking around. There are tall shelves full of books, the taller halves dustier than their bottom parts. There are few tables and chairs scattered about, each laden with the heavy tomes.

"Vash, turn around," Xiao commands, tugging at his sleeve.

The Swiss man does as said, and finds himself surrounded by the remaining librarians.

"Hello. I am Sam Chui Sai On from Macau. It is a pleasure to meet you." An Asian man greets him, his white changsam rustling as he bows.

"It's nice to meet you too," Vash nods awkwardly back. Thankfully Sam turns and focuses on Xiao instead.

"Hi Xiao. Showing Mr. Zwingli around?" He says kindly, closing his eyes behind his glasses.

"Like totally. How's your book going?" Xiao responds, his voice colored with a hint of fondness.

Vash tunes out their conversation as he meets the other librarians.

There is Jan Gilles from Luxembourg, who is wearing a simple white button up shirt and black slacks. He seems very graceful, and Vash keeps in mind that he's distantly related to two nobles in the castle.

"They are kind of my siblings, yet they kind of aren't," Is what Jan says about the relationship.

The other is Paul Ahidjo from African country Cameroon. Mostly silent, he said that he likes to play football(that is, soccer).

"I see that you are still very young," Paul says, looking Vash straight in the eyes. _Keep your face impassive_ Vash thinks, although his eye twitches.

"EEEEDDDDUUUUAAARRRDDD!" The library doors slam open as a teenage boy bursts through them and launches himself at said Estonian.

"R-Raivis!" Eduard stumbles, nearly knocking over the stack of books next to him if it weren't for Jan steadying the pile.

"Hide me! The Tzar is trying to play dress up with me!" The boy wails, shaking so much Vash wonders if his brains haven't rattled out already.

"Oh. Like, brace yourself Vash. If Latvian Raivis Galante is here, that means he will soon follow," Xiao whispers, watching the door and clutching Vash's arm.

"Who-?" Vash starts when a childish voice cuts him off.

"Oh Raivis~! Where are you~?" A extremely tall man peers in, smiling even though the water pipe clutched in his hand suggests otherwise. He has very fair blond hair and eerie purple eyes. A ratted scarf rests around his broad shoulders. Everything about this man was intimidating.

"Oh! And who is this?" The man directs his gaze towards Vash, and Vash has to fight to keep himself from shivering.

_This man... Is the reason why I left Lilli home..._ Vash mentally sighs, and subtly touches his gun.

"This is Vash Zwingli from Switzerland. He's our new gatekeeper." Eduard says quickly, also trembling.

"It is nice to meet you, Vash. I am Tzar Ivan Braginski from Russia. I hope we can be great friends, da?" The Tzar smiles and extends his hand.

Vash takes it gingerly, trying to smile.

"It is also nice to meet you, Tzar." He says. _This is the first noble I meet and he's utterly terrifying._

"Now, come long Raivis! We have much work to do!" The Tzar grabs Raivis's shoulder and leads him out, whistling happily.

"... RAIVIS!" Eduard cries, pulling at his hair.

"He was like, a good boy," Xiao mutters, shaking his head.

"... Was Raivis another noble or...?" Vash asks, peering out the door and seeing the tall and short duo turn down a corner.

"Oh, like no. He's the last librarian. Sweet boy, really, but he's been rather mistreated by the Tzar," Jan says, sighing and moving books.

"The Tzar is a rather formidable man. He doesn't like taking no for an answer," Paul comments, moving piles of books from a cart.

"Tzar Ivan is like insane, man. Of his rocker," Xiao adds, finally letting go of Vash's arm.

"Well, it was nice meeting you. Please have a nice day," Vash says, nodding his head before pulling Xiao out by his sleeve.

"Where are we going?" Xiao asks, stumbling after the quick man.

"Following the Tzar."

"... Do you want to die?"

"I am a guard as well as a gatekeeper. Protecting the residents of Hetalia and what not."

"... You have balls."

Vash smiles grimly before turning the same corner he saw Raivis and Ivan turn.

He always knew his sense of justice would get him into trouble, but he never though that it would lead to him seeing something like this.

* * *

><p>TranslationsNotes-

ao dai- traditional Vietnamese clothing. What Vietnam normally wears.

phall curry- uber spicy curry

changsam- a Chinese male robe

I think this is the longest chapter yet, and it's a part one of the introductory chapter... Sigh.


	6. Knives are Boring

**Title: **Knives are Boring... Unless a Girl's Holding 'Em

**Author: **the Midnight Ghost

**Rating: **K+ For Hong Kong's totally awesome accent.

**Characters: **Vash(Switzerland),

**Summary: **Does no one question the residents of Hetalia? Nor the assumption that Vash can remember all their names and titles? What has he gotten into this time?

**AN:** Part TWO(Two... two...) hopefully. If you have any ideas about pairings for ALL(yes, all 68+ of them) feel free to tell me!

_Italics_ are still Vash's thoughts.

**Note: **This story talks about nobles from the past. I am pretty sure none of them exist now, so just pretend that they live in a world where there are kings and queens in a modern setting. Also, no historical references were made to choose which country got which position. You have been warned.

**Disclaimer: **Draw a circle, that's the earth! Draw a circle, that's the earth! Draw a circle, that's the earth! I do not own Hetalia!

-o-

Vash likes guns. Not with any erotic meanings behind the sentiment, of course. They were just small L-shaped items that could also blow people's head off. It are easily hidden, are very powerful, and require no skill. They were intimidating, dangerous, and quickly ended fights.

Knives are ok, although more boring. A sharpened blade of a stick, not as elegant as swords or concealable as switchblades. Mostly used in two bit murders and creepy sadistic torture. Vash didn't really think they were scary, unless he was in a dark alley with absolutely no guns and a tall dark man was about to stab him with a certain blood-lust in his eyes and a insane smile and a heaving, creepy laugh and-

A long, platinum-haired girl in a navy blue dress was holding a knife up to Raivis's neck. Ivan was staring at her from the corner, curled up into a ball and rocking back and forth slowly, eying the girl as if she were the devil himself. The girl(who's face would probably be very pretty otherwise) had a sweet yet insane look on her face, her eyes large and staring straight into Ivan's eyes. The knife is held in a steady grip, never wavering from the trembling Raivis.

"Brother~ Why must you always hang out with this puny little kid? Why won't you spend more time with me?" She asks in a high clear voice, smiling.

"N-Natalia! It's just that Brother Ivan is very busy with his work and he needs the assistance of Raivis-!" Ivan stutters, curling even more tightly into a ball.

"Why are you calling him by his first name?" She cuts him off sharply, and the knife gets closer to the poor Librarian's throat. He whimpers.

"Well, I, er," Ivan fumbles, slowly edging away from the girl.

"Like, see? That's why you leave Ivan alone! He like has a totally insane sister, Dame Natalia!" Xiao whispers angrily in his ears, although his face is still impassive.

"Who stands there?" Natalia says, turning her face to where the two guards are standing at.

"_Diu,_" Xiao mutters, pushing Vash forward.

"This is like Vash Zwingli from Switzerland," Xiao says, half hiding behind Vash.

"Traitor," Vash whispers between clenched teeth. A corner of Xiao's mouth twitches.

"Ah, you are-"

"Mr. Gatekeeper!" Ivan stands up and grabs Vash quickly, joining Xiao behind him. "How nice it is to see you! Have you met my sister? She's a Belorussian Dame, da?"

Natalia frowns as being cut off, and sends twin beams of Utter-Hatred™ towards the Gatekeeper.

"Brother. Why are you so friendly with him?" She asks slowly, releasing Raivis from her death-grip. The boy looks a bit lost for a second, but when Vash tilts his head towards the hallway leading to the library he scrambles away.

"And furthermore, I am a _Russian_ dame," Natalia smiles, looking nearly dreamily at Ivan. Ivan half-squeaks.

"Well, it is very nice to meet you Dame Natalia," Vash says, trying to shake off the two clinging onto him without making any sudden moves- who knows how good she is with a knife.

"Very well," Natalia says, glaring at him coldly one last time before walking away, knife mysteriously gone.

"Thank god," Ivan says as soon as she leaves, releasing Vash's shoulder.

"So. Natalia," Vash looks at him, arms crossed. Ivan smiles nervously.

"She is rather charming, da?"

"I'm sorry, but holding a knife to someone because they're talking to their brother is not normal." Ivan flinches.

"Ah, well, Natalia is a very nice, pretty young lady, and I'm sure she has her reasons..." Ivan mutters as if he doesn't believe it.

Vash looks at him, before sighing.

"Look. Tell you what, I'll try to keep her off you if you stop harassing the servants," He says, already regretting his decision.

Ivan perks up, a rather odd sight for a man his size.

"You've got yourself a deal," He says, shaking Vash's hand energetically. Then he walks off quickly, a slight bounce in his step.

"... I'll be sure to bury you back in Switzerland, mostly, Vash. It was like nice knowin' you," Xiao says, shaking his head and pulling the smaller man back towards another hall.

They walk in silence for about five minutes before they see a group of blond men of various heights standing to one side in the 'Nordic Hall.'

"Hey, you guys!" Xiao calls, and they all turn.

The two shortest ones have purple eyes, something that Vash is noticing to be popular, and the other three have blue eyes. They're all wearing casual clothes that hint at very expensive brands, something that makes Vash sigh in penny-pincher despair.

"Ah. Vash... Kingsley? From a European country... Austria, is it?" The shortest one says, barely glancing at him.

Vash's eye twitches. Information gets passed very quickly(and badly) around here.

"Nah, he's Vash Zwingli from Switzerland. He has balls." Vash rolls his eyes at Xiao, who shrugs.

"Aw, you're so short!" The crazy haired blond says, walking forward and slinging an arm around Vash's shoulder, mussing up his hair with a gloved hand.

"That's Mikkel Densen, Danish Greve. And as you can see, he's loud. And tall," Xiao calls over Mikkel's laughter.

"You're so cute-! OOF," Mikkel groans as the dull-blue eyed man punches him in the stomach. Letting go of Vash Mikkel curls on the floor, clutching his stomach instead.

"I am very sorry about him," The man says, turning his unreadable eyes to him.

"Er," Vash says, looking at the groaning Greve on the floor back to the man.

"I am Lukas Bondevik, Greve from Norway. If this idiot bothers you again, please find me," He says, extending a hand to shake. Vash accepts.

"The white haired one is my little brother, Emil Steilsson, knight from Iceland," Lukas says, turning and pointing to the teenage looking purple eyed boy.

"Hi," Is all Emil says. Xiao tuts under his breath, and mutters something along the lines of "Emil needs to like, open up more."

"Oh, I'm Kreivi Tino Väinämöinen from Finland. It's nice to meet you Vash! Hopefully you'll be able to make sure Mikkel gets back home safely from now on, right?" The shortest of them say, smiling.

Mikkel is still on the floor, wracked with pain.

"Oh, and like that's Riddare Berwald Oxenstierna. He's Swedish," Xiao adds, and the tallest of them all nods.

"N'ce t' meet y'u," He says, staring at him. The hair on Vash's neck stand on edge, but he can see that it's only a thick, intimidating aura that makes Berwald seem so scary.

"So, like, what were you guys doing?" Xiao asks, nudging Emil with his elbow.

"Tino was telling us about the dog he found. His name was..." Emil says, rolling his eyes and nudging Xiao back.

"Bloody Flower Egg. It was either that or 'Go for it! Bomber!', 'Sardine Panic', 'Cheese Castle', and 'White Tiger Wolf,'" Tino says, oblivious to the weird looks everyone was giving him.

"... Right," Xiao finally says, nodding. "I like Bloody Flower Egg. It's... catchy."

"I know huh?" Is Tino's response.

Mikkel jumps up with a roar, startling all six of them.

"HEY YOU LAZY SCUMBAGS! CHECK OUT THE NEW GATEKEEPER!" He yells. It reverberates around the hallways for a while, and right as the sound disappears, people peek out from doorways, corners, and ceiling panels.

"... Mikkel. Was it necessary to do that?" Lukas says as he watches a wave of people surround Vash.

"Totally. They were bound to see him anyway!" Mikkel smirks, leaning back as more people arrive.

"Mean," Xiao says, before plunging in the crowd.

Vash, on the other hand, was having a hard time remembering names and faces.

There was Laura Peeters, Belgium Burggravin. She wore a headband in her hair and asked him in a loud voice about whether he saw any of the maids yet.

"Well, then, be sure to keep your eyes where they belong," She smirks at his answer of 'No.'

Then her brother with a scar on his forehead pushed her aside and apologized about her 'behavior.' "She really doesn't mean to tease like that. I'm Abel van Dye, Burgrave from the Netherlands." Laura than grabbed him and started yelling at him, and it all soon escalated into a fight Vash was not interested in breaking up.

The next to claim his attention was a Asian boy with unruly hair and an odd hair curl. He was wearing something distinctly Asian with the sleeves too long on his arms.

"Wow, this gun was made in Korea daze!" He exclaimed, pointing at Vash's gun, and then proceeded to grope his chest, muttering, "Hm, his breasts are a bit small but they are cushion-y daze!" Before Vash could clock him a similar looking boy with a long braid, matching hair curl, and similar clothes pulled him away. He then starting apologizing over and over, bowing several times.

"I am so very sorry about that, sir. I promise it won't happen again. Once again, I deeply apologize for my brother's actions. I am Min Soo Im and he is Yong Soo Im, Wang-Ja Guns from North and South Korea respectively. I hope his stupidity hasn't sullied our reputation." Before Vash could respond Min Soo pulled his brother away, most likely to scold him.

"Ve~ Brother, this guy looks so fierce!" Vash turned and saw a brown haired man with a hair curl on the right of his head talking to another brown haired man with a hair curl to the left of his head. They were both wearing very expensive suits. _Italian_ was what his mind said about them.

"Che, he's nothing special," The brother responded, frowning and looking away.

"Oh, he's looking at us!" The first man said, and then bounded up and grabbed Vash's hands. "Hi, I'm Feliciano Vargas! I'm a Barone from North Italy! I like pasta and pretty girls and siestas and painting! What do you like?"

Vash blinked erratically. "Er, well, I-"

"Leave him alone, you idiot," His brother said, walking up and poking Feliciano's head.

"Ve~ But he is my new friend. Oh! You don't know who brother is! Well, he's Lovino Vargas, and he's my older brother, and he's very cool, and he's Barone of South Italy!" Feliciano said, hugging Lovino with one arm.

"Chigi! Damn it, you bastard, let me go!" Lovino complained, tugging away from the embrace.

After the two Italians break away Vash finds himself being slowly overwhelmed by the rush of names and faces and descriptions.

_Is it possible to drown from too much information?_ He scowls, gritting his teeth.

A loud piercing whistle breaks the loud commotion around Vash, and they all part to reveal an angry looking Asian woman with flower clips in her hair.

"What is this? Why are you all surrounding this poor man like dogs to a bone? Look at him later!" The girl stomps forwards, grabs his hand, and pulls him out of the circle around him, snagging Xiao in the process.

After they walk far away from the crowd she lets go.

"Xiao! What is the meaning of this?" Is the first thing she says. Xiao averts his eyes.

"... I'm giving him a tour around Hetalia." Vash raises his eyebrows at the lack of valley-girl accent..

"Then why was he being suffocated by everyone just now?" The girl says, hands on her hips.

"... I don't know," Xiao says.

"Xiao Chun Li. That was incredibly stupid of you to not step in and help him!" The girl proceeds to yell at him, cutting Xiao off whenever he tries to interrupt.

Vash tunes her out, used to people yelling, and instead looks her over. She was wearing a black dress with a white apron over it, which meant she was probably one of the maids the Belgium Burggravin was talking about earlier. The girl has long black hair and a odd curly strand of hair hanging over her face.

"Ahem. I am Mei Xiao, the head maid," She says after finally ending her lecture.

"Thank you for helping me out there," Vash says, offering his hand.

"No problem," Mei says, shaking it briefly. She narrows her eyes. "I'm Taiwanese, by the way. Don't listen to whatever the nobles tell you."

"I'll keep that in mind," Vash says, nodding.

"Come on then," Xiao says, grabbing Vash's wrist and pulling him towards a door.

The door leads to the gardens outside, where there are nobles and servants scattered around.

"Anil," Xiao says, tapping a gardener on the shoulder. The bald man straightens, and noticing Vash, smiles. He is wearing what appears to be brown monk robes.

"Hello. The Gatekeeper, Vash Zwingli, yes?" He says, bowing slightly.

"Yes. He's Swiss," Xiao adds.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Zwingli from Switzerland. I am Anil Khan, from Tibet," Anil says, and then turns and beckons others towards him.

"Oh! Gatekeeper dude? 'Sup?" A man with a band aid on his nose says, leaning on his shovel. He has sunglasses perched on his head and a straw hat hanging by it's strings around his neck.

"Kyle Brown from Australia. He has like, an evil koala," Xiao says, eying the Australian with dislike.

"Oi, just because it ate your kung-fu dude poster doesn't mean it's evil!" Kyle scowls. The two start bickering.

"Hi, I'm Edon Broci from Albania. I hope you enjoy your stay at Hetalia," A serious looking man says, and shakes his hand. He's wearing a simple white shirt and brown slacks.

"Hey, Vash! I'm Carlos Baltazar Monzalvo, from Cuba. Sientete libre de preguntar lo que sea." The last gardener says, sticking a cigar in his mouth. He's wearing a loudly printed shirt and shorts.

Vash blinks, "Er, ok?" Carlos laughs, and then his eyes narrow.

"Oi, you American bastard!" He yells at a frail looking blond walking across the grass. Said blond jumps and clutches the... Bear-thing he's holding closer to his chest. He's wearing a red hoodie and jeans, and looks as if he's trying to disappear.

"H-hi Carlos. I'm Matthew, remember?" He says (more like whispers) as he walks towards them. Vash's mouth may or may not have opened when he saw that the bear-thing was blinking.

"... Oh yeah, Matthew! Oi, I'm sorry about that," Carlos says after a few heavy minutes of suspicious staring. He turns to Vash and pats Matthew on the back, "Vash, this is Matthew Williams, Grand Duke from... From..."

Carlos looks at Matthew with a 'please help' look on his face. Matthew rolls his eyes.

"Canada. I'm a Grand Duke from Canada. ("Yeah, Canadia!") This is Kumajiro, my pet bear. (Vash stares at the bear in shock.) And you are our Gatekeeper from Switzerland? I'm sorry, I don't know your name," Matthew says, speaking barely above a whisper.

"I am Vash Zwingli. Nice to meet you, Mr. Williams," Vash says, nodding his head. _This kid seems very forgettable... I must write his name down somewhere._

"Where is your stupid brother anyway," Carlos asks, scowling again and looking around.

"I don't know," Matthew snaps, frowning a little.

"Ah, sorry, sorry. Forgot you don't like talking about him," The Cuban apologizes quickly, holding his hands up.

"MATTIE!" A loud voice calls, and said man sighs.

"Here he comes," He whispers into Kumajiro's fur.

A large blond that looks identical to Matthew turns around the corner of the mansion, running very quickly. He swoops upon the Grand Duke and starts shaking his shoulders while talking a mile a minute.

"Mattie, Mattie, did ya' hear? We have a new Gatekeeper guy thing! Apparently he's from Swaziland and he beat Francis up, which is pretty freaking AWESOME! I mean, Francis is cool and all but he's sometimes super badass so the guy who beat him up is almost as heroic as I am! Help me find him!" He yells, a large grin plastered on his face.

"Al... Al... AL!" Matthew yells, trying to cut the over enthusiastic man.

"He's right here, you bastard," Carlos growls, roughly turning the man to face Vash.

"Er, hi. I'm Vash Zwingli, from Switzerland," Vash says awkwardly, glancing at the strange man. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, along with an antique bomber jacket.

The man stays silent for a few seconds.

"Wow! You're so short! And you beat up Francis? What did he do, try to grope you? I find that when he tries to do that you should just point at Artie and he'll back off real quick but I guess old man Arthur wasn't there, was he? Oh, that's a cool shotgun, a M6 S bolt action spring rifle? Nice! Hey, your from Switzerland huh? Are you rich? Do you have chocolate? Boy, I want chocolate now. Do you think Hien will let me have some or will I have to wait 'til dinner. Oh, there's Artie calling me now. See ya' later, Vash!" He says in about three breaths and then dashes off as the Grand Prince spots him.

"ALFRED! GET YOUR BLOODY ARSE BACK HERE NOW!" Arthur yells, running towards Vash.

"Never old man!" Alfred laughs over his shoulder, dragging Matthew behind him.

Panting, Arthur stops next to Vash, angrily swearing.

"Hello Vash. I take it you met Alfred Jones, American wanker and viceroy," He says after catching his breath.

"Er, yes sir," Vash says. His mind was once again reeling from information overload.

"Good. I'm sure you have more people to meet, so don't let me slow you down. Leon, stop fighting with Kyle and get moving," Arthur calls, large eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes sir," Leon says and drags Vash to the stables.

_… Wait. More people? _Vash finally comprehends.

_Damn it._


End file.
